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What is limerence? You may have heard of the term before, but you may not know exactly what it means. Limerence is a state of infatuation or obsession with another person that involves an all-consuming passion and intrusive thoughts. When you're in limerence, you are completely consumed by your feelings for the other person. You may find yourself thinking about them constantly, and feeling an intense attraction to them. If you are experiencing these symptoms, you are definitely not alone!
The four phases of limerence
The first phase is the obsession phase. This is when you can't stop thinking about the other person, and you feel an intense attraction to them. You may find yourself fantasizing about being with them all the time.
The second phase is the dependency phase. This is when you become dependent on believing the person you are obsessed with is the solution to all your problems. You may start to change your behavior in order to please them, and you might become very needy.
The third phase is the reality phase. This is when you feel like you are being ignored or neglected by the person you are obsessed with. You may lash out at them and become very angry.
This is the final stage of limerence. It's when you realize that the person you are obsessed with is not perfect, and you may feel disappointed in them. You may also start to withdraw from them emotionally.
When you're stuck in this obsessive and all-consuming state, your life can quickly spiral out of control. You may find that you're unable to focus on anything else besides the person you're infatuated with. This can lead to problems at work or school, as well as strained relationships with friends and family.
On the bright side, there's actually some positive things that can come out of it. For starters, limerence can make you feel really alive. You may find that you're more outgoing and social when you're infatuated with someone. Additionally, your attention to detail may increase, and you may be more creative.
Here are 5 signs that you are experiencing Limerence:
Don't worry, knowing when you are in limerence is the first step to managing it. If you're finding that your thoughts are constantly consumed by this person, and it's impacting your daily life in a negative way, those are the first signs to realizing this may be something other than a real connection.
Ask your friends for advice, your true friends will tell you if you they feel something is off. They can give you insight to how they perceive the situation from the outside.
If you are worried your friends may pass judgement, most people can confide in their family without worrying about being labeled. While family may not be the best resource to express your emotions or relationship with, sometimes family members may have just the right piece of advice that can help get you back on your feet or snap you back to reality. A mothers love or a fathers wisdom can go a long way.
Try distracting yourself from the person you're infatuated with. This isn't a long-term solution, but it may help you get through a moments of weakness. Go have fun with your friends, or utilize your hobbies to help you change your train of thought.
If all else fails, talking about your limerence with someone who understands can be really helpful. Therapist have a wide array of experience and knowledge in these topics, and in extreme cases they may be the only ones that can help.
When you’re in limerence with someone, it’s similar to falling in love. The attraction is real to you. While there are both positive and negative effects from limerence, it is temporary and you will look back on it when it's over and gain knowledge and experience. If you have ever been through limerence, it's easier to spot your 2nd or 3rd go around and you are quicker to correct it. It's not an illness, nothing is wrong with you, it's just a powerful emotion that can easily be confused with love.